Darkness
by not-so-average-07
Summary: Started out as oneshots of DELENA, morphed into something else entirely. Still try to keep it DE thought, it depends on where the show takes me I guess.
1. Darkness

There is darkness in everyone, most people don't know it's there but I am quite aware of my own darkness. I mean when you have lived the life I have, you get used to flirting with evil and wondering what it would be like if you could just let go. I have always been the perfect little soldier, doing whatever I was told. Well, not anymore. I have gone from Queen of Robert E. Lee high school to leper of Robert E. Lee high school. I was a human, then I was a vampire then I was dead then I was an angel then I was human again. And now, thanks to some begging that I am not totally proud of, I am a vampire again. I was content enough to live by Stefan's rules and his vegetarian lifestyle. I was in love with Stefan, yes you can all gasp now, I said was in love with him not that I still am. Being a vampire now makes me remember the first time, I was so wrapped up in Damon and the feeling of his blood rushing through my veins that I almost killed Stefan. Ironically enough it was Damon that reminded me of my love for Stefan so I pushed those feelings back. Now, after almost two years of being with Stefan I don't know why. looking at him right now while he is sleeping I can almost feel the love that used to be there, almost. I have never run away from anything in my life, I didn't run when I found out the truth about Stefan and I didn't run when Damon made his demands. But now, sitting here watching Stefan sleep that is what I am doing, I am packing a bag, I am writing a letter and I am going to run. But I am not running away from something, I am running towards something. Well I am running towards someone if you want to get technical. The letter is just something full of false hope for Stefan's future but he won't see it that way. I told him that while I loved him I needed to do this for me. I told him that he would be okay and he would move on and find someone worthy of him. I sealed the letter and left it on the nightstand, I know Stefan, he won't come after me because he knows this is what I want. I pick up my bags and take one more look around the room I have called home then I turn and walk out of the door knowing that I will never be back. That act in itself is freeing and satisfying and lifting all in one. I haven't seen Damon since that night in the clearing two years ago but I have always been able to sense him. I had also heard from Bonnie that she has been keeping tabs on him too, just in case we needed him again. I know Matt is less than thrilled with that but it works for me, I needed a location. It turns out that after these two years he has only been one hundred miles away. It took me less than thirty seconds to appear at his front door. I set down my things and knocked, calmly waiting for the door to be opened. Finally Damon appeared looking like he had just woken up in sweats and his hair sticking all over the place. It was unusual to see him like that, he was always so collected.

"My dear sister in law, you are a sister in law by now right?"

"No, I'm not."

"Where is dear St. Stefan?"

I looked down at my bags then back up at Damon.

"He's not here, and don't worry he won't be arriving at any time."

I watched as Damon's eyes flickered back and forth between my eyes and the two bags at my feet. Finally a small smile appeared on his face, something that should happen more often.

"What took you so long?"

"You know me Damon; I like to make an entrance."

He picked up my bags with one hand and pulled me into the house with the other. I willingly went through the door knowing that this time, I wouldn't be leaving.


	2. Blood

I had a taste for blood, and not some weak pathetic animal blood, human blood. To Stefan that was taboo, he wanted to know how I could have a thirst for something so damning. I told him we were already damned but he didn't listen. I don't want you to get me wrong, I do love Stefan, I will always love Stefan. But there are many definitions of love. The love I feel for Stefan can be defined as a feeling of warm personal attachment or a deep affection. I love Stefan like I loved Margaret, as more of a sibling than anything else. It all seems to ridiculous after everything I went through to be with him but those first few weeks he was in my life he was like a beacon pulling me forward. Nobody else held my attention like Stefan did, then **he **came around. It was when **he **arrived that I felt a new kind of love, one that can be defined as sexual passion or desire. **He **made me feel alive in a way that Stefan never could, at first the guilt I felt feeling that way about **him **when Stefan was still around was almost unbearable. When I was human I was used to boys fighting for my attention, buying me lunch just to get a smile in their direction. I was beautiful and hell, I still am. I know that sounds conceded but I am just stating facts really. When you grow up hearing that you are beautiful and that you can do anything, you believe it and start saying it yourself. But the way these two fought over me, it had to do with desire and passion. At first I was repulsed by **him** but as time went on I found myself intrigued by the dark son of Florence. Stefan had told me stories of the years they spent with their father, about how he was the golden child, his father's hope to the Salvatore line to reach its fullest potential. **Him **however, well **he **was more of a thorn in **his **father's side. Did everything possible to piss off the old man and drag the Salvatore name through the mud. It made me laugh. I have only ever known **him **as a vampire but I could easily picture the human form. Cocky, arrogant and easily flaunting **his **wealth. I can remember every first with **him **too, nothing bad so get your mind out of the gutter. I remember the first time **he **showed me an actual smile, the first time I discovered that **he **could truly be selfless. Of course I have memories of Stefan too but those never stood out like these ones. When I left Stefan that morning he was...less than thrilled. He knew where I was going and more importantly he knew who I was going too. He told me not to go, then he packed his things and said very simply Florence is mine, then he left. I stood there dumbfounded for a moment before snapping out of it. I have never seen Stefan look so angry, defeated and hateful before. Nothing I can do now, I know I did the right thing. How could I stay with Stefan when my heart truly belonged to another. I too packed up my things and left what used to be my home far behind. I went to Bonnie first, she and Meredith knew that one day I would end up going to **him. **They were surprisingly okay with it though, my best friends can still surprise me even after all we have been through. Anyway I had Bonnie do a trance and I got a location. Being a vampire gives you special gifts, one happens to be getting places very quickly. I spotted **his **precious car first. I walked over to it and ran my hand down the polished hood.

"I have killed people for looking at that the wrong way."

I smirked to myself and turned around, facing **him** for the first time in years. The look on **his **face though, priceless.

"Do you consider me just anyone Damon?"

"That depends, where's your worst half?"

"Florence, which reminds me...you and I have been banned from that particular location."

"And why is that?"

"Well Stefan got a little angry when I told him I was leaving."

"You left him?"

"Well I realized a few things and he wasn't very happy with what I discovered."

"Well Cara please do enlighten the class."

"First of all, animal blood is just disgusting."

"I believe I told you that a time or two. Second?"

"Second, I seem to have a thing for darker brooding older brothers."

"And how does the darker brooding older brother know you aren't just going to go running back to the younger weaker pathetic brother?"

"Well, taking my word for it for starters. I'm sorry Damon."

"For?"

"Making the wrong choice all those years ago. It took me a while but I finally realized that it was you. It should have always been you. Stefan will never understand the real me, the dark side of me. You though, you put that dark side there."

"And you hated me for it."

"I was confused...I want you Damon. What more do you want me to say?"

"I think that's enough."

I smirked knowing full well that it mirrored **his **own. I walked over and laced my arms around his neck pulling **him **down to me. The kiss was passionate, intense and a little on the dirty side, in other words it was completely **Damon. **


	3. Choice

I have made choices before in my past, what outfit looks best which color eye shadow makes my eyes pop, which boy will look best on my arm at the dance? I was used to those choices, loved making them actually. This however, I did not like this. To my left I had everything a girl would dream of in her prince charming. On my right I had everything a vampire would dream of for her dark knight. This was it, they were taking a stand, acting as brothers for this one and only time to get me to make a choice. The choice I had to make was between the two of them. Well it was about time really, I have been going back forth in my mind for almost half a century. Of course I was with Stefan all that time but my thoughts often drifted to the darker of the two brothers. Stefan and Damon Salvatore, the two loves of my life. It all came down to today, this moment right here, right now. I looked between the two and ran through my thoughts, I couldn't keep being with Stefan when I was thinking about Damn and I couldn't be with Damon when I feared that the novelty would end and I would become bored. God, what the hell was I thinking? Like Damon could ever be boring, I don't think he allows himself to be boring. I was hoping that the light bulb would click and I would just know which way to step. Left or right. Right or left. Stefan had been nothing short of amazing to me and Damon, well he had been antagonizing and brutal and sometimes just plain mean. Yet he still managed to be charming, how he does it I don't think I'll ever know. I know that whatever choice I make today, I won't regret it, I don't know how I know that but I do. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath thinking back on everything and thinking about how I feel. It all came to me so fast that I think I would have gotten whiplash if vampires could get whiplash and yes I am rambling but I am a bit stressed. The reason the light bulb wouldn't be going off is because the choice has been so clear all along. In fact, I am an idiot for not realizing it sooner. I looked between to the two brothers knowing that whoever I turned away from wouldn't be angry, but it would probably be a while before I saw them again. I took a deep breath and moved. As soon as I stepped into his arms I felt whole, complete in a way I hadn't felt before. Looking to the other side I saw him nod, send me a sad smile then disappear. I felt a hand under my chin lifting my head to meet his gaze.

"Why me?"

"Because you're Damon. You're the choice I should have made when you first came to Fell's Church. And because I have wanted you for longer that I realized."

"And here I thought it was because of my looks."

I rolled my eyes but smiled, this would work because we worked. Where I was grace and patience he was crass and didn't even know the meaning of the word patience. We balanced each other yet we understood each other.

"The looks help."

He smiled, an actual full smile and not his patent Damon Salvatore two second smirk. We turned and headed off in the opposite direction of Stefan. I had no idea where we were going or what we were going to do when we got there and neither did he. It felt great.

**I think that i will start doing some oneshots of them together as a couple**


	4. Curious

"What's that?"

"Hair straightener."

"What's it for?"

"So I can straighten my hair and wear it the way you like it."

He went silent and I continued to do my hair. It's a good thing I mastered to my hair and makeup without a mirror when I was young, there are no mirrors here. I felt him poking around behind me and shifting through my things.

"What's this?"

His hand appeared in front of me and I looked down at what he was holding. I held back a laugh and tried to keep the humor out of my voice when I answered.

"That's eye liner."

"Why do you need all of this crap?"

"Spoken like a true male. I use it to look nice."

"You know, if I knew that you would be bringing all of this crap with you I never would have invited you to move in."

"Good thing you didn't invite me then."

He went silent and I smiled to myself. It was true, he hadn't invited me. When I first arrived here Damon was out of town. I just unpacked my things. When he returned from where ever he was he just kinda went along with it. He reached around from behind me, turned off the straightener and set it down. Then he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me back until I was leaning against him and the headboard.

"I'm not finished."

"I'm bored."

He kissed my shoulder and worked his way up until he was at my ear.

"Besides, I like how your hair looks when it's on my pillow."

"Really?"

"Or maybe it's the fact that you are moaning my name when I grab it."

"Damon."

"What?"

"Can't you be serious for one second?"

"Who said I wasn't being serious?"

"You are incorrigible."

"And you are a spoiled brat, that's why we work."

He moved quickly so he was on top of me with a smirk firmly planted on his features.

"There, much more comfy."

"Salvatore, just shut up and kiss me."

He didn't waste any time giving me what I wanted. Like he said, I was spoiled.


	5. Rings

I was sitting on the couch flipping channels when Damon walked in. He sat next to me pulling me close and just holding me there for awhile. I was worried, Damon didn't know how to be quiet. He either had to be making smartass comments or making suggestive comments. I felt him slid off my Lapis ring and move it to my right middle finger.

"What was that for?"

"To make room for this."

He pulled a small box out of his pocket and set it in my lap. I opened the box, sitting inside was a ring, simple and delicate. I looked at Damon but he was watching some movie on TV. I took the ring out of the box and slid it onto my finger.

"So this was your way of proposing?"

"Pretty much yeah."

I smiled then kissed him. I gave up on the traditional romance a long time ago. Being a romantic wasn't really Damon's thing at all. All though, he did sometimes surprise me.

Later that night when we were lying in bed he pulled me close to his chest.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"Elena?"

"Hmm?"

"The ring was my mother's."

I smiled into the darkness and held him tighter. Like I said, he had a way of surprising me.

**Picture of the ring in me profile**


	6. Passionate Hate

Passion and hate go together hand in hand. No, seriously think about it. Noah and Allie had that whole passion/hate thing going for them. Buffy and Evil Angel, Buffy and Spike. It' just a fact of life really, the more emotionally unavailable you are, the more screwed up and fucked up, the more you want someone that's exactly like you. I never really thought of myself that way, not when I was human at least. Then I died and my vision got a little…altered. The rush of evil is intoxicating, it shouldn't be but it is. I think it's the whole I can do whatever I want and get away with it thing. It's freeing in a way, a good way. Stefan was all things good and innocent, he got boring. I stayed on my own for awhile, loving the feeling of independence. I had never been independent before, it was different but I could see why people loved it so much. Not having to depend on anyone or anything not having to answer to anyone. I loved everything about it. Until I ran into him again. I ended up fighting with him first, actually hit him a time or two which made me feel amazing. In the end though, I ended up staying with him. Most people could just chalk it up to insanity, that would make the most sense. But that's not it at all, it's just like I said. The more emotionally unavailable, screwed up and fucked up you are the more you want each other. And let's face it, who's more emotionally unattached, screwed up and fucked up than Damon Salvatore?

**Short i know but i wanted to post something**


	7. Fate

**Sorry it has taken so long, I started like five of these and deleted them. Anyway this one is TV show based so I am warning you now, don't like the show then don't read it. And for those of you who enjoy the show…Ian Somerhalder…enough said. **

I never should have let him inside. I shouldn't have let him follow my upstairs. I definitely shouldn't have let him make himself comfortable on my bed. Every time I looked up at him, getting ready to ask him to leave, I made the mistake of looking into his eyes. I wish I could blame it on his mind tricks but the chain hanging from my neck made that impossible. I wondered where Stefan was, how had he allowed Damon to get so close to me? Right, he's out of town with Matt, well that explains Damon's sudden arrival. I looked around my bedroom, eyes going straight to the open window. Why did Damon go to the front door when he easily could have just come in through the window? I had so many questions running through my mind that I hadn't heard him rise from my bed and come to stand behind me. I felt him though, he wasn't touching me but Damon had a presence and it was hard to ignore. I refused to turn around however, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of knowing he was getting to me. I thought back to the night of the football game when he had me cornered by my car. He tried to make me kiss him but Stefan had given me the vervain necklace. I slapped Damon that night but not because he tried to kiss me, I slapped him because I was angry with myself for **_wanting_** him to kiss me. I looked up at him and told him that I was not Katherine, now I know it was a lie. Maybe it's a curse, two brothers forced to relive the same love and heartbreak over and over again. I blamed the choices Katherine made on human weakness, asking a teenage girl to resist either Salvatore was like telling an alcoholic not to drink. I don't know how to explain what I feel for Damon, perhaps it's because I keep remembering that night in my kitchen when he showed emotion and depth. Stefan often says that nothing inside Damon is human, he is nothing but a monster but that's not true. Damon wears a carefully constructed mask that he thinks is necessary. God forbid he acted like he cared once in a while.

"Are you going to ignore me all night?"

"I was thinking about it. Why are you here Damon?"

"Maybe I'm here to see how far I can push you."

"Stefan thinks you're a monster, that you have no soul. Does that make you happy?"

"Ecstatic…what do you think?"

I finally turned to face him, he was right in front of me, just like the first day I met him. Damon didn't know personal space, he never had too unless it was his own. I thought my words over carefully before looking up to respond.

"I think you're scared. I think that the last time you ever showed any emotion was with Katherine and now you're feeling the same way and you don't know what to make of it."

"Why haven't you kicked me out yet?"

"Because I think I was wrong, I am Katherine, there's really no denying it anymore."

"But?"

"But…unlike her I can make a choice."

"Are you going to tell me?"

"First I need to know something, there's no chance of you and Stefan ever being brothers is there?"

"Not unless hell freezes over and Lucifer himself shakes my hand."

"That's what I thought."

Damon was getting annoyed, his jaw was clenching and his hands were in fist. It was kind of fun making Damon angry, as long as you didn't make him so angry he snapped at least.

"You."

"What?"

"I choose you."

With those three words I signed my fate and as horrible as I should have felt about it, I was actually happy.


	8. Thank You

**TV series based **

**SPOILERS for episode seven, Haunted If you haven't watched it yet don't read and if you have watched it continue. You'll know what's mine and what belongs to the show. If you don't watch the show, enjoy anyway. **

**I don't own The Vampire Diaries**

I walked inside and shut the door on both Salvatore brothers. Carefully making sure that none of my wounds were visible I walked upstairs and into Jeremy's room. He was sitting at his desk, head phones on and music so loud I could hear it from where I stood. I walked further into his room and got his attention.

"Jer, are you okay?"

"Vicki left town. She isn't coming back."

"I'm sorry Jeremy."

"Whatever, can you leave?"

"Sure."

He replaced his headphones and I walked into our joint bathroom shutting and locking both doors. I changed out of my nurse's costume and got into the shower to wash away the blood, pain and memories of this night. As I was standing there letting the hot water run over me I sank to the floor of the tub and started to cry. Vicki was dead, Matt and Jeremy could never know the truth and here I was, caught in the middle. I know I can't say anything to Matt or Jeremy. I made Jeremy forget what happened for a reason. That train of thought took me back to what happened just minutes before. I had practically begged Stefan to take away Jeremy's memories but he couldn't. Then Damon stepped in, asked me what I wanted and he did it. No smug comments or looks, he just did what I asked. I had attacked him and blamed him for everything that has happened but he still walked in here and took away Jeremy's pain. I wish he could take away mine, make me forget it all but I can't let that happen. As horrible as it all has been, forgetting could make it all so much worse. I have a feeling that no matter what I would always be dragged into the world of Damon and Stefan Salvatore. Another thing about Damon, after hitting him, standing near the busses, he was angry and I was standing there pissed off, a little scared and bleeding. Instead of turning his anger on me he told me to leave. He said that my wounds were bleeding and I had to go. He let me go. I shook my head to clear my thoughts, turned off the water and got out of the shower. After changing into Jeans and a shirt I made sure I bandaged myself up the best I could then grabbed my car keys. The drive was short and painfully familiar to me. I got out of the car and knocked on the large front door. When Damon opened it he wasn't quick enough to cover the look of surprise and annoyance.

"Stefan isn't here. I think he's crying to Bambi or something."

"I came to talk to you."

"Mark this day in the history books."

"Damon, thank you."

"For?"

"Doing what you did for Jeremy, making him forget, and not killing me when you had the chance. Thank you."

I turned and started walking back to my car, ready to go home, fall asleep and hope this was all some horrible dream.

"Elena?"

Turning around I looked into Damon's eyes and for the second time since meeting him, I saw genuine feelings.

"You're welcome."

**I had to add in the apology cause no matter how pissed off Elena was at Damon he still did something pretty nice and non Damon like and I thought he deserved at least one thank you. **


	9. Questions

**Sorry it has taken so long…I apologize. Contains Spoilers for Turning Point in case you haven't seen it and if you don't watch the show enjoy anyway. Fair warning this is going to be REALLY REALLY REALLY SHORT. **

I look just like her. Suddenly everything seemed to be clicking into place, why Katherine was always mentioned, why Lexi looked like she had seen a ghost when looking at me, why Damon and Stefan both seemed interested a little too much sometimes. Is that why they are here? Is that the reason they both made contact? Am I only good to them because I am the twin of the long dead love of both their lives? Staring at the photo…it made me nauseous. When I told Stefan that I loved him earlier, was he hearing me or was he hearing Katherine? And Damon, did he want me to be her? A second chance at whatever it was that they had over one hundred years ago? I removed the vervain necklace and laid it on top of the photo that had been left out. I changed into my clothes and somehow made it out of the boarding house without alerting Stefan. How could I trust what Stefan said after this? At least Damon was always blunt and honest…but even he hadn't told me of my long lost twin. I took my eyes of the road for seconds and when I looked back, it was too late. The car flipped and rolled and skidded across the pavement. The last thought I had as I saw this figure come walking towards me almost made me laugh in a sick way…now Damon and Stefan have lost both their Katherine's.


	10. My Diabolical Plan

**Another short oneshot...this time in Damon's POV**

I had a plan, a simple yet intricate plan. The reason I came back to Mystic Falls was to get Katherine back and I knew exactly how to accomplish that. Stefan being in town was just a bonus, making his life a living hell was something that I vowed to myself a long time ago. It was fun, he'd become all broody and he'd pout a little bit. Then he'd start to threaten me even though there is no way he could follow through. His bunny diet made that impossible for him. I was curious as to why he returned though, I mean sure he likes Zack and all but this place held bad memories for the both of us. The first thing I caught was her scent, familiar yet unfamiliar at the same time. She was in a cemetery which was odd enough. From where I was standing I could see her sitting down, writing in a book. When she stood, frightened, and looking over her shoulder, that's when the shock set in. It was Katherine but it couldn't be Katherine. I knew for a fact that Katherine was in a tomb below the old church waiting to be released. But this girl, Elena, if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes I would think it impossible but there she was, the spitting image of Katherine. Well, it looks like my stay in town will be more eventful than I thought. Stefan of course was furious when I found out about his precious Elena. It was simple really; my only attraction towards her was for her looks, at first. She really was only like Katherine in the looks department. Where Katherine was cold and calculating Elena was soft, compassionate. Katherine cared only for herself and what she wanted while Elena put others before her in every possible way. I only started getting closer to her to annoy Stefan but the closer I got, the more enthralled I became. She hated me which was fun in the beginning. Getting under her skin was like a game to me and she tried to be brave but a few well placed lines and she'd cower. On one hand I loved to see the brave act because let's face it, nobody had stood up to me before after learning what I truly was let alone smack me more than once. Then on the other hand the cowering was fun, knowing that I had that kind of power over somebody. I will admit that the vervain necklace did make things interesting, Stefan didn't know what he was doing when he gave that to her. If he thought it was going to make her safe he was wrong, all it did was make me more persistent. I was confident that I'd get to her; all I needed to do was be patient.


	11. Thoughts

**Still don't own anything. **

**A peek into Damon's head **

I didn't know what was stopping me. I had never hesitated and getting what I wanted before. Hell slip on a glove and tear that necklace from her throat, boom she's mine. But there is something about her, something so innocent yet at the same time knowledgeable. She looks like Katherine yes but that is only part of the appeal. Elena is special in a way in a way that disturbs me. She makes me feel things that I don't like, she makes me want her. Usually it's the other way around, I am used to people wanting me in fact I take pride in it. But feeling this way, I have only felt this once before and I didn't like it then either. If I wasn't careful it would be history repeating itself all over again, Stefan would win out. I can't have that happen, not again. It's not because I always need to win or because I enjoy causing problems for Stefan. That just happens to be a bonus. I can't have that happen because, well, because I may possibly have slight feelings for Elena. I guess I could be like Stefan and write down how I feel and so on but that's just not my style. She makes me want to be…I don't know if better is the right word but she does something to me that I can't explain. I want her plain and simple but not just because of the pain it would cause Stefan, but because I just genuinely want her. Oh god, I need to figure this shit out.


	12. Roadtrip

_Welcome to Mystic Falls_

I sighed; the trip had reached its end. Yes I was an unwilling participant when I first woke up but, god help me, Damon was right. I needed to take five minutes, I needed a break and I really needed those drinks. I think the thing that surprised me the most was the fact that I had fun, I don't remember the last time I had laughed and let my guard down like that. There was just something about Damon, something I can't quite put my finger on but I know it's there. He's carefree, he lets loose and he knows exactly what you need to relax. I can't forget that fact that he saved me from the wreckage, I can't forget what he did for Jeremy and I can't forget that even though he's had tons of opportunities, he's never taken my life from me. I have been with him for almost two days without my necklace and not once did he try to make do something against my will. I think that he allows me to see a side of him he doesn't show anyone else and I find myself loving that fact. Damon Salvatore, never would I have thought about him in a way other than, Stefan's murderous older vampire brother. But this trip, it's definitely been an eye opener. He took me to the boarding house and put the car into park.

"Here you are my lady."

I smiled and unhooked my seat belt before turning in my seat to face him.

"So I totally saved your life didn't I?"

"Yes, you did."

I smiled and nodded, it was kind of nice being the one doing the saving for a change. Without really thinking about what I was doing, I leaned across the seat and kissed his cheek.

"Goodbye Damon, I had fun."

Turning back I got out of the car and walked towards the front door of the boarding house, preparing myself for the confrontation with Stefan. Things were changing in Mystic Falls, with me, and if those changes include more time with Damon, then I'm ready for it.

**Just got done watching "Bloodlines" LOVED the Delena scenes we got!**

**STILL DON'T OWN ANYTHING...even though i wished for Damon for christmas **


	13. Roadtrip Part 2

**Damon's thoughts **

I was partially surprised that she had come with me. Not that she had a choice really, I needed to go to Georgia and I wasn't about to turn about and go back to Mystic Falls. She even took the fact that I checked her out (purely medical of course) rather well. When she ordered a drink I thought I was hearing things. Little Miss Prefect getting drunk at a random bar with her boyfriend's evil vampire brother. When she asked me why she looked like Katherine something inside me, hurt, hurt for the sadness in her words. That's the point I told myself to stop drinking, Damon Salvatore does not feel, or tries not to. Then, she plead for my life, begged. It seemed as if part of her cared about me. The ride home was actually pleasant, she smiled and joked, seemed really pleased that she was the one to save me instead of the other way around. Dropping her off at the boarding house I smiled a bit, perhaps this trip was a step in the right direction for the two of us.


	14. Betrayal

**Slight spoilers for Children of the Damned.**

I should have expected it from Stefan; it's his MO of the past 100+ years. But knowing that Elena had me fooled, that I had dared to trust her and she lied to me, that's what hurt the most. I had told her that I would do whatever it takes to bring Katherine back and I would destroy anyone who got in my way. Standing in the clearing holding her against her will and forcing her to take my blood, I broke my word to her when she lied to me. I told her on the way to Georgia that she would be safe with me; I didn't mean that has a onetime thing. It shouldn't hurt this bad, I had the book and I could get the tomb open and have Katherine back. It shouldn't hurt this much. Stefan's betrayal, it really shouldn't come as a surprise anymore but no matter what it still hurts all the same. It's basic "human" nature; you want to trust your family. Sure I haven't always lived up to that myself but Stefan knew that I would help him in the ways I knew how, I guess it was just too much to expect the same from him. Elena though, that one cut the deepest. I honestly thought that we could be taking small steps in the direction of her tolerating me. This night, these choices and these lies, it changes everything. From now on I'll do whatever it takes to never feel like this again.

**And until we meet again, may angels lead you in. Gone but NEVER forgotten. Rest in peace LCPL Zachary D Smith 1990-2010. **


	15. Emotion

Pain, grief and tragedy I understand. It's all part of life right? You have to expect to feel these things; you have to expect to cope with them when the time comes. Losing my parents was possibly the hardest thing I have ever gone through. No one should have to feel all of that. I find myself lying in bed at night thinking, if things are laid out for us, if our destinies are determined for us, why would anyone or anything want us to feel like this? I never thought about falling in love but it happened. Stefan is everything good and kind in this world. Putting aside the vampire part of course. Damon, he's evil and he's a cold blooded murderer. But when we were in Georgia, and Lexi's boyfriend was about to kill him, all of these emotions came rushing at me all at once. I found myself terrified at the thought of losing Damon. I could feel the familiar pain creeping into my heart, see the grief written on my face, and feel the tragic days to come if I didn't do something. These are things I never felt with Stefan, with him I always felt warm and safe and happy. I think I finally realized that to function in this world, you have to feel the bad stuff too, and you have to live with it. I think I might be confusing you here, I'm confusing myself actually. Yes, I do love Stefan, he is caring and kind and loving which are all great things. But he's never made me _**feel. **_Damon has made me angry, sad, and sick to my stomach, scared and down right pissed off. He's also made me worry for him; feel for him, he made me feel like the old Elena, the one that I miss so much. The one that was lost the day my parents car went into the water. I feel that when you are in love you should expect to feel the things that I feel with Stefan, but you also _**need **_to feel the things that I feel with Damon. I guess what I am saying is that while I love Stefan, I find myself falling in love with Damon. Yeah, what I feel with him are things that normal people wouldn't associate with good but if we really think about it, feeling that way and being able to cope with it, isn't that what it means to be human? As I think about these things on the car ride home I wonder, does wanting to be with Damon make me…odd somehow? Does being okay with these feelings make me a bad person? I glance at him from my spot in the passenger seat and I know the answer. No, it doesn't make me odd and it doesn't make me a bad person, it just makes me human. Will choosing Damon in the end cause a rift between him and Stefan? Stefan and I? Me and my friends and family? Possibly, probably. But right now, I can't bring myself to care or worry because right now, in this moment, I think I am finally understanding what it means to be me and be in love.

"Damon?"

"Yes?"

"Don't go home."

"I'm sorry?"

"Not yet at least, let's go somewhere, anywhere, just for a few days."

He doesn't say anything, but the smirk on his face is answer enough. As we drive past the exit for home I can't help but feel…everything. Sure it's going to be a bumpy road and there will be fights no doubt, but there will also be Damon, and there will be me. And I think I feel okay with that.

**I have to admit, I didn't really write this chapter for the readers. Two weeks ago a 19 year old husband, son, brother and friend was killed in Afghanistan. This chapter of Darkness is basically everything that I, my friends, his family and his wife are going through. Feeling pain and sadness and tragedy. I wrote this chapter as an outlet, something to get my feelings down on paper and when I was done writing I figured why not tweak it a bit for Darkness? It's okay if you don't like, if you hate it even. This chapter is for me, I guess writing is my way of dealing. And as usual, I still don't own anything. **


	16. Comfort

**Slight spoilers I guess if you didn't see last night's episode. If you did see it you'll know what's mine and what isn't. Still don't own the Vampire Diaries or Damon…**

"**I didn't compel you in Atlanta because we were having fun. I wanted it to be real, I'm trusting you. Don't make me regret it.  
**I have been playing those words over and over in my head. **I wanted it to be real. **I find myself thinking of that trip to Atlanta often, and I smile at the memories because I had fun, I had fun with Damon. I keep replaying the events of the night over and over too. I felt fear, genuine fear when I thought Damon wouldn't make it out of the tomb in time. I felt sad for him when he realized that Katherine had been free all this time. Then I felt something different, something small but persistant tugging at my heart when I hugged him. Stefan was surprisingly okay with it all, me going to Damon, helping Damon, hugging Damon and I thank Stefan for that. But I can't help it, I overthink things and while Stefan has saved me on ocassion and never threatened me, Damon, well Damon has never taken my life from me. Sometimes I honestly don't know which one is more admirable. He's had many chances; I have been bleeding in front of him more times than is safe. I was with him for almost 48 hours without my necklace and he never compelled me, because he wanted it to be real. This isn't the first time I have felt something for Damon other than hatred. Tonight I saw a part of him that made me _**feel.**_ The Damon I saw tonight was heart broken and tragic. I trusted Stefan right away, I gave my whole heart to him and got it back damaged, cracked. He lied to protect me and so on; I know he's told me that before. But Damon, well I never trusted him, never gave him anything and yet, and believe me it took me a while to admit this, Damon scares me less than Stefan does. It makes no sense when you write it down on paper but it's what I feel. Actually I don't think I can say that anymore, sometime, when I wasn't looking or paying attention, Damon snuck his way into my heart and I think that he'll forever hold a piece of it. I was finally able to be myself and Damon made that happen. I kick off my covers and drag myself out of bed. Grabbing my cell phone I scroll through the contacts, I surprise myself when I stop at the D's instead of the S's. I debate on whether or not to hit send when I voice from behind makes me jump about ten feet in the air.

"I won't answer."

Turning around I found Damon sitting on my window seat, head leaning back against the glass.

"What are you doing here?"

"Stefan's compassion was starting to freak me out a bit."

I sigh and place my cell phone back down on the nightstand. I walk over and carefully sit next to Damon, legs Indian style, body facing him.

"Are you okay?"

He doesn't answer, doesn't have to I guess. I blame what happens next ona minor case of insanity and a major case of, I think I have feelings for my good vampire boyfriend's evil vampire brother and really the only way to find out is to spend more time with him even though I will have to do some major explaining to Stefan. I also think I should work on shortening that title. I stand from the window seat and take Damon's arm pulling him with me. I got back into bed and my side and looked up at Damon.

"Get in."

"What about Stefan?"

"I'll deal with him tomorrow, you need a friend tonight."

"A friend?"

"Just shut up and get in."

Damon shrugged off his jacket and his shoes then got into bed next to me. I roll over and look at him.

"It'll be okay."

"How are you so sure?"

"Because while you may be well-versed in the world of vampires and immortality, I am well-versed in teenage girl. It hurts and it sucks and you want answers but what you really need is time. Goodnight Damon."

"Goodnight Elena."

I rolled back over and fell asleep almost immediately. It was weird, but I felt safe with him next to me. Tomorrow would be a day full of explanations to Stefan, explanations to Damon and explanations to myself. But for tonight, it's just about comfort.


	17. Hanging Out

I was in trouble, I was in trouble because I was digging a hole, a deep one. Breaking things off with Stefan was for the best. I could only take so much of the angst and brooding and the him breaking up with me for my own good. When he told me he was leaving town for a few weeks I was actually relieved. We were in the post breakup awkward still trying to be friends phase. It had only been a week since the whole Katherine being a lying coniving bitch thing at the tomb. And since Stefan was gone I took it upon myself to check in on Damon. Hence being in trouble, when I told Damon we had an understanding I knew deep down that there was so much more there, and I knew that being alone with Damon could be bad, but I was willing to risk it. Grabbing my keys I headed to the boarding house. Instead of knocking I just let myself in, apparently Damon had been pretty comatose lately, just sitting on the couch, staring. Which is exactly where he is. Setting my things down in the entrance way I make my way to the couch and sit down next to him.

"Stefan's not here."

"I know, I came to see you."

"Willingly?"

"Yes willingly. No offense Damon, but you need a shower."

"You seemed fine by my close proximity a week ago."

"You didn't smell a week ago. Your eternal stud status is going down everyday."

He smiled, an actual honest smile. Progress, very nice. When he left my house a week ago it was with a nod and a barely heard goodbye.

"Okay, how about this, you go take a shower and burn those clothes then come with me to the Grill."

"Elena, what will people say when they see the two of us together?"

"Probably that I am a whore who is now going after her ex's older brother. I've been called worse I'm sure. Go."

I gave him a little shove and he rose from the couch. While he went upstairs I looked around a little bit. I found a picture of Stefan and Damon from 1864, Damon was in a uniform and they had there arms around each other and were smiling.

"See, we got along."

"This is why I love pictures."

"So you can stare at me for long periods of time?"

"Because they always represent a good memory. Are you ready?"

"Yes, let's just get this over with."

"Well if you really don't want to spend any time with me…"

"Now that's not fair."

"But it works. Come on."

I grabbed his arm and dragged him out of the boarding house. We spent a few hours at the Grill was I was subjected to glares and texts from Caroline and confused looks from Matt. Damon wasn't exactly nice when Matt tried to introduce himself. When we got back to the boarding house I looked over at him.

"Well look at that Damon Salvatore with a smile on his face."

"Thank you Elena."

"Anytime. What are you doing tomorrow?"

"Why?"

"Because winter break starts, I have a week off and the boarding house is disgusting, haven't you ever heard of cleaning?"

"Do I look like I clean?"

"Good point. I'll be over tomorrow."

"You don't have to do this you know. At 100+ years old I can take care of myself."

"Maybe I just like spending time with you these days. Goodnight Damon."

"Goodnight."

It went on like that for the next few days. I would get up, eat some breakfast then go to the boarding house. Spending time with Damon was fun, and just like in Georgia, I felt like the old Elena again. One day I decided to bring up the taboo subject.

"Damon?"

"Yes?"

"If I say something right now do you promise not to kill me?"

"Sure."

"You deserve better you know."

He didn't say anything, instead he did that eyebrow raise thing that made me wonder how I didn't see how good looking he was before.

"I tried to forget about all you've done before, all of the bad but I can't and I don't want too. You can be a really bad guy Damon and you do selfish things but there's also good in you. You've had so many chances to kill me yet I am still here, you saved Jeremy from himself and I will never be able to thank you enough for that. You deserve someone who wants you back, who will be there for you…should I run now?"

"Why do you believe in me? Nobody else does."

"Because we have an understanding, remember? And because, I kinda like you Damon, I can be myself with you. Your carefree attitude is refreshing" I was going to go on but suddenly all I could feel were Damon's lips on mine. When he pulled back he smirked at me.

"Should I run now?"

I laughed a bit and looked up at him, suddenly the smile fell from my face.

"I meant what I said Damon, that night at the school, I'm not Katherine."

"I know."

He leaned forward and kissed me again. There were a ton of questions that needed answer, things to think about, Stefan to consider and about a hundred thousand other things. But right now, at this moment in time, I said screw it.

**We need more Damon and Elena scenes. **

**I suggest the song Bulletproof by Kerli, IMO it is one of the best songs to describe the whole Delena situation. **


	18. That Moment

That moment, the moment when you find out that the one person you have ever truly loved never felt the same way about you; well let's just say that if I wasn't already did it would have killed me. She was never in the tomb, probably never planned on being there. To make it worse, she has always known where I was, and apparently she didn't care. Stefan was right, three words I never wanted to say but there it was. She had used me and left me. I have done the same thing countless times over the years to get what I needed and I never felt anything about it. I never loved any of those people but I loved Katherine, and I thought she loved me. It makes everything I have done these past few years so pointless. Stealing back that pain in the ass crystal, waiting for the comet, driving to Georgia, threatening Elena to get that fucken spellbook, trusting witches, trusting Stefan again…fuck it all. I was aware of footsteps coming closer but couldn't really register who it was. When she wrapped her arms around me though, everything else faded into the background. Elena, Katherine's twin in looks and looks alone. How she could be so selfless and caring while her ancestor was coniving and evil, it doesn't make sense to me. What Elena had said earlier, about us having an understanding, it made me realize something. I never had an understanding with Katherine, I thought I did but that too was fake. Maybe the girl in his arms could teach him what it's like, to be a part of something real. Hell she already taught him what it was like to be a friend so why not?

**Okay so I didn't think I had to say this but I guess I have too, if feel the need to flame, you'll be deleted. To the person that felt the need to comment and tell me that I am obviously not a talented writer at all and it was horrible and whatever, you were deleted. Don't like it don't read it, not that complicated of a system now is it? To the people that continue to comment and tell me how much they like the stories I am writing, thank you!**


	19. Caring

He was finally getting back to normal. He wasn't the old, cocky, pain in the ass Damon he used to be but he's getting there. I never thought I'd miss the old Damon but now, I'd give anything to get him back. I haven't seen him much since the night at the tomb. I can't believe how scared I was that night, scared that he'd be trapped in there forever. I'm not sure when it happened but Damon managed to wiggle his way into my heart, and I don't think he'll ever leave. I don't understand Katherine at all. She had this guy that would obviously do anything for her and she just leaves.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

I jumped about a mile and turned towards the doorway. Damon was leaning against the wall, watching me.

"You scared the hell out of me."

"Not my intention. May I?"

He motioned to the empty spot on the couch. I nodded and watched him walk across the room. When he sat down I noticedthat he couldn't really look at me.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Trying to compel you, intentionally scaring you, kidnapping you and threatening you."

"I'm sorry too."

"You have nothing to be sorry for."

"I'm sorry I look like her."

"Not like you had a choice. Everything I have done for the past 100+ years has been for her."

"Maybe you can still find her."

"She knew where I was Elena, she knew and she didn't care. I'm leaving."

"What?"

"I'm leaving Mystic Falls."

"Why?"

"No Katherine, Stefan has always wanted me gone, and what I want now I can't have."

We sat in silence for a few minutes, just staring at the TV without really seeing what was on. He's leaving, Damon is leaving. No matter how many times I said it in my head it didn't seem real. It hit me suddenly in a big flashing sign kind of way. I don't want him to leave, I don't want him to leave because I feel something for him. With Stefan I feel safe and happy but with Damon I feel alive, like I can do anything. I think I'm starting to understand why Katherine couldn't choose, but I'm not her, I can choose. I was slightly startled when Damon stood up.

"I should go."

He started walking towards the door. I rose quickly and hurried after him.

"Stay."

"What?"

"Stay in Mystic Falls. Don't leave."

"Why?"

"Because I care."

He let go of the door knob and fully turned to face me.

"Don't leave Damon."

"Okay."

**The more I watch the more I kinda understand why Katherine couldn't choose, a best of both worlds thing or something like that. But...I'll always be Team Damon.**


	20. Scotch

Thank God vampires can still get drunk. Honestly without alcohol to get me through these past 100+ years I may have gone insane. Katherine wasn't in the tomb. That was a hard blow to take. But thankfully my good friend Scotch was there. Stefan sat by my side for a solid day and a half but then he started telling me to move on and other things. He's easy to tune out after all this time. Of course he doesn't care, he still has Elena, he has his Katherine and I am still convinced that it is Elena's resemblance to Katherine that keeps him hooked. I looked up from the couch is a haze of anger, drunkenness and well, a bit of sadness. It was when I recognized a familiar scent coming up the driveway that I perked up. It couldn't be, Stefan has been keeping her on a short leash lately. Glancing from the window I could easily see that it was Elena, thank you vampire eyesight. Well, whatever she has to say should be interesting.

**I know it's short and I know that I haven't updated in awhile. But that's why I am doing two in one night. I hope I won't be gone this long again but the repeats aren't helping the creative juices flow. **


	21. Screw Stefan

Elena Gilbert prided herself on being a good person. She was always there for her friends, did whatever Jenna asked, looked out for Jeremy and tried to be a great girlfriend. But right now, at this moment, being a great girlfriend was difficult when she couldn't find herself to agree with Stefan.

"I don't understand what the big deal is."

"The big deal is that I don't want you around Damon. You don't know him like I do Elena. He's not a good person."

"He's not a monster Stefan. You do realize that we spent an entire weekend together in Georgia without my necklace and all he did was make sure I had fun. I just want to see him, make sure he's okay."

"He's heartless Elena, I'm sure he's fine."

"What the hell is your problem? He's your brother Stefan."

"No, he's a monster. Don't go near him Elena."

"You can't tell me what I can and cannot do Stefan, if I want to see Damon then I will."

Stefan slammed his mug down on the counter and disappeared. Elena sighed. This wasn't the first disagreement they've had about the elder Salvatore brother. Ever since the incident at the tomb Elena just wanted to make sure he's okay. Stefan didn't understand why Elena wanted to be around him. He figured that Damon would just drown himself in booze for awhile then snap out of it. Well he's been drowning himself in every kind of scotch possible for the past month. Every time Elena brought up going to the boarding house Stefan shot the idea down. God, he was treating her like she was five years old. With her decision made Elena grabbed her keys and walked out to her car. The entire way to the boarding house Elena half expected Stefan to pop up and force her to go home. When she arrived she let herself in. Damon was in the living room with a half empty bottle in front of him. She walked into the large room and took the seat next to him on the couch.

"Miss. Elena Gilbert, long time no see. Where's Saint Stefan?"

"Pissed off somewhere."

"What did I do now?"

"It was me actually. I wanted to come and see you and he got angry."

Damon sent her a quizzical look.

"You wanted to see me?"

"I wanted to make sure you were okay. Maybe get you out of the house, fresh air and all that."

"Why? If Stefan is pissed about you being here then I am sure he won't be jumping up and down if we spend time together outside of the boarding house."

"You know what? Screw what Stefan says or thinks. You need a friend and by my count, I am the only one you have. So let's go."

Elena stood up and looked at Damon expectantly. He rose from the couch with a familiar smirk on his face. Reaching for his leather jacket he kept his eyes on Elena.

"I like this side of you Gilbert. It's refreshing."

"Like I said, you're a friend. Come on."

Damon smiled and followed her out of the house. He gets to spend time with Elena without Stefan and piss Stefan off at the same time. Maybe today wouldn't be so bad.


	22. Boston

"What is going on?"

"Well, this is a car Elena. When you get into the car it moves and takes you places."

"Damon, it's also five in the morning, what the hell are you doing here?"

"Well I am sure you are just heartbroken after your breakup with my dear younger brother. I am simply here to make sure that you are okay. And to take you for a little trip."

"Uh, first of all I am not heartbroken. Second, I'm fine and third, even if I wanted to go on a nice little trip I can't just disappear for another weekend. Jenna tends to notice those things."

"Not if she's compelled."

"What did you do?"

"Relax she's fine. She even packed up everything you'll need. It's in the trunk. Come on Elena, live a little. Show me that girl from Georgia."

"That girl was drunk."

"I have a cooler in the backseat."

Elena looked from her warm and inviting house back to Damon. He was casually leaning against his car, wearing that insufferable yet adorable smirk. There really wasn't a choice was there? Jenna already knew she was leaving, Bonnie was away with her family after the death of her grams and Stefan, well he's the now ex-boyfriend. Elena sighed then walked down the steps and got into the passenger seat of Damon's car. I didn't have to look at him to know he was smiling. When he got in behind the wheel he caught my eye.

"That wasn't so hard was it?"

He put the car into drive and took off. As the passed the Thank You for Visiting Mystic Falls Elena turned in her seat to face Damon.

"Where are we going?"

"Ever been to Boston? Great this time of year."

"No I haven't and why are we going to Boston?"

"Because I said so."

"And why are you doing this?"

"Because I am sick of being around a moping Stefan and like I said before, you aren't the worst company in the world Elena."

She smiled and leaned back in her seat. When she went to bed last night she never expected to be woken up at five in the morning by her ex-boyfriends older brother to be taken on a road trip. Although the last one wasn't so bad.

"And what are we going to do in Boston?"

"You're going to get over Stefan and I am hoping that you'll make some bad decisions on the way."

"Bad decisions involving you?"

"Maybe. Relax Elena, it's a long drive."

She settled back into her seat and let her eyes close. She was wearing her necklace this time so there was nothing to worry about. But even if she wasn't she knew that Damon wouldn't compel her. Maybe this trip could be a good thing. Get out of Virginia for a few days. Besides, it's not like the company is awful.

"At least hit a drive-thru or something please."

"Your wish is my command."

Elena smiled and focused on the scenery. This should be an interesting trip.

**The next few installments might be about the trip and so on. **


	23. Boston Part Two

"The Boston Red Sox?"

"If you tell me that you are a Yankees fan I might have to kill you Elena."

"No, don't really watch Baseball. I'm just surprised is all."

"Baseball is an important part of American Tradition Elena, besides I've been a Boston face since their very first game. Haven't missed one since."

"That seems so…normal."

"Contrary to popular belief, and by that I mean whatever it is that Stefan seems fit to tell you, I can do normal."

The continued moving along in the line, tickets in hand waiting to go into the stadium and find their seats. He had surprised her earlier when he threw a Red Sox jersey at her and told her to put it on. She had been quiet for the most part but he knew that the questions would come. And honestly, Elena was the one person he would always answer, 100% honesty. He both hated and loved that about her, mostly because he hated being honest. But Elena brought it out and he hated and loved it.

"And why do I have to wear this and you don't?"

"Because you pull it off better than I do."

They handed over their tickets and walked into the stadium, when they found their seats he spent more time watching her than anything else. She was happy, he hadn't seen her smile since his darling of a younger brother and she ended things. He knew for a fact that yesterday was the first time she laughed her real laugh and not that horrible fake one.

When the game was over and they were back on the road Elena looked around with a look of confusion on her face.

"Where are we going?"

"There's something I want to show you."

"What?"

"It's a surprise."

"I don't like surprises."

"Well you'll like this one. Relax Elena, just relax."

He drove for ten more minutes before pulling into the driveway of a large house. Elena looked at him with raised eyebrows but followed him out of the car and inside. It was large, four bedrooms and two bathrooms. Floor to ceiling windows in the back that showed the pool and spa. Elena turned and looked at Damon.

"What is this place?"

"This Elena, is my new home."

"You're moving?"

"Yes I am. I'll come back to Mystic Falls every few months but this will be home now. I wanted to let you see it."

"This is why you brought me here?"

"Yes."

Elena slowly walked through all of the rooms in the house, it didn't exactly scream Damon but she could see him here. But he was leaving Mystic Falls, he'll be gone. Damon is leaving. Somehow, when things ended with Stefan it hadn't hurt like this. But with Damon standing there, saying that he was leaving, that hurt. Jesus, she left one Salvatore to start falling for another.


	24. Boston Part Three

"You seem to have a habit of bringing me, the underage human girl, to a bar."

"Please, when you're with me you can get whatever you want."

Damon took her hand and pulled her through the crowd until they found seats at the bar. He order two beers and passed one over to her.

"To the final night of our little journey, thank you for coming with me."

"Thank you for not giving me any other choice."

Elena smiled at him then took a long drink. She was still upset about the bomb that he had dropped yesterday. Leaving Mystic Falls, it has been on her mind since yesterday afternoon. Looking around the bar she noticed that it was a lot like Bree's minus the heartbroken vampire trying to kill Damon.

"Earth to Elena."

She snapped out of her thoughts and looked back over at Damon. He was looking at her with his usual smirk and she could see the mischief brewing in his eyes.

"What?"

"Would you like to dance?"

Suddenly she was thinking back to the night of the fifties dance when he had asked her the exact same question. But what he didn't know is that she had wanted to say yes. This time there was no Stefan, no muddled thoughts and no having to feel guilty.

"I would love too."

Damon smiled and led her to the small space reserved for dancing. As soon as they hit the floor the song changed to something slower. Elena hesitated for a minute before wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling herself closer to him. He was caught off guard, she could tell. But he wrapped his arms around her waist and let himself close his eyes. He didn't want it to feel right, not at all but the fact that it did, well he wasn't really complaining. Elena was smiling to herself, she loved this side of Damon. The nice side, the caring side. When the song ended they both pulled away slightly awkwardly and headed back to the bar for more drinks.

When Damon pulled his car up in front of Elena's house the next day she didn't want to get out of the car. Turning in her seat she looked over at Damon and smiled at him.

"I had fun."

"So did I."

"When are you leaving?"

"A week. Why? Are you going to miss me?"

"Yeah, I am. Thanks for the trip Damon."

Elena grabbed her bag and got out of the car. When she went inside she said hello to Jenna then went up to her room and sat down at her desk. Turning on her computer she went to the search engine and typed in two words. Boston University. College was coming up, she didn't really want to stay in Mystic Falls and well, Damon would be there.


	25. Forgiveness

**Slight spoilers for tonight's ep a Few Good Men. And hello shirtless Damon…we have missed you greatly!**

_Her name was Isobel._

Damon Salvatore was going to be haunted by those four words for the rest of eternity. Elena had looked angry, heartbroken and most of all, she had looked betrayed. He meant what he had said, Isobel had come to him, she wanted what she got. He didn't know that she was a mother, that she was Elena's mother. He didn't even know that there was going to be an Elena. The look on her face, it was the first thing to penetrate the mask of indifference and alcohol he had put up for the past few days. She hated him, he was sure of it. And somehow, that cut deeper than anything else. He knew right then and there, the very moment her tear filled eyes hit his, that he was going to spend the rest of his time fighting for her forgiveness, and the thing is, he's not even sure if he deserves it.

**Just a really short one after watching tonight's episode. For those of you that saw it….the shirtless Damon in the beginning, how pretty was he? And at the end when Elena confronted him, the look on his face…so sad. **


	26. Fun Time

Blood, it used to be all I could think about. It seems that the tables have turned now though. Dear Saint Stefan has a craving, a dangerous one. It's only a matter of time before he snaps and hurts someone. Elena of course is worried about him, I don't get it really, she should be staying away from the monster not trying to comfort it. However I suppose this could work in my favor. She and Stefan start to drift apart and I swoop in with my clever charm. But then again this was Elena we are talking about. She deserves more than a world full of monsters, secrets and almost daily death threats. I don't know what it is about this girl that makes the Salvatore brothers act the way we do, but damn, she does it well. Stefan was always going to be the white knight to her damsel in distress while I would always be the monster lurking in the shadows. At least that was before my brothers newly re-found addiction. This time around it wouldn't be Stefan coming through to save the day, that burden would fall onto my shoulders. Although, protecting Elena Gilbert could become one of my new favorite pastimes. Okay and maybe I was pushing Stefan on purpose, he use to be fun. If everything works out the way I want it too I could get my partner in crime back and the girl. Or she could hate me even more, either way, it's bound to be a fun time.

**It's been a while I know but writers block is one evil bitch. Just wanted to do something in Damon's POV, something light and almost fun in a way…as much as I love me some Damon…twisted and tortured Stefan isn't so bad either. **


	27. Dance

I wanted to smack Mrs. Lockwood across the face. I know that she doesn't understand the amount of things I have on my mind and she would never get why walking down a flight of stairs and doing a dance where no touching is involved isn't high on my list of things to do. Between Bonnie and all of the issues there on top of Stefan's new and not so improved behavior I'm not in the best mindset. All of these secrets and issues keep popping up and I really did not want to compete in this stupid pageant. Yes I was excited and happy…when my mother was still here. Things were so much easier then, no vampires and deaths and blood bank robberies.

"Elena Gilbert escorted by Stefan Salvatore."

And here we go. Just walk down the stairs, take in the embarrassment of your escort ditching you and get through the day. Step one, why couldn't Stefan just tell me what was going on with him? Step two, getting a little harder to breathe now, how will I explain this? Step three, Mrs. Lockwood is going to freak out. Step four, what the hell is Damon doing? Step five, a curious glance met with a piercing gaze. Step six, my hand in his. I let Damon lead me from the staircase, through the doors and out onto the patio.

"What are we going to do?"

"Let's just get through this first."

The music starts and we're dancing. I am remembering steps learned just a day ago with Stefan at my side and Damon, Damon is remembering from all of those years ago…he doesn't miss a step. Gliding there, staring into his eyes, I let it all go. I was able, for the briefest amount of time to just be. Looking into his eyes I almost faltered…there was something there that I hadn't seen before…humanity, caring, passion. Our eyes were locked, I couldn't look away even if I tried. Everything with Bonnie, Stefan and all of the other crap seemed to melt away. Since everything began happening I had seen many sides of Damon Salvatore, this one is by far my favorite. I honestly believe that I could stay like this forever and be happy. But of course, all to soon the dance ended, I was back in my original spot and Damon was gone. I knew that whatever happened next, whatever this town decided to throw my way, I know that if I just hold onto the small moment between Damon and I, I would be okay. He managed to do something I never expected, he became the biggest part of my world and I don't want to let him go.

**So I still don't own anything…and that still saddens me. LOVED LOVED LOVED the past episode. The Damon and Elena scenes were as always, awesome. Stefan seems to be doing a pretty good job of pushing those two together and I will admit, I want to see him all vamped out. It's like Angel on Buffy, you love him, but you love him so much more when he's evil. And with that said…Damon is still my number one. **

**If you didn't like that Damon/Elena scenes in that ep....something is wrong with you lol. It was perfect. I tried to upload this sooner but FF wasn't letting me log in. **


	28. Remember

**Spoilers if you haven't seen the latest episode **

Heartbreaking, that is the only word that popped into my head. Seeing Stefan like that was scary, I have never been afraid of him before. But even that couldn't come near the pain that I felt when I took that Vervain filled needle and stabbed him in the back, literally and metaphorically. When Damon asked me if I was sure, there was no hesitation, I said that I was sure. But sitting in this hallway, with Damon sitting across from me I was beginning to doubt my choice. Maybe there was another way, something other than keeping him locked up like a wild animal. Glancing at Damon again I had to stop myself from letting out a snort. When did the role reversal happen? Stefan is the one hoarding blood and a danger to society and Damon is the gentlemanly brother doing what he thinks is right. If I didn't know any better I'd think I slipped into the twilight zone. Ha, Twilight. Good thing Damon can't read my mind, he hates those books, says they give vampires a bad name. And don't even get him started on the sparkling. I think he's a little sensitive to that fact that a fictional character took over his supreme vampire stud role. And now I am losing my mind.

"Elena, you don't have to stay."

I caught Damon's eye.

"Yes, I do. I put him in there."

"Well you can at least go upstairs and sleep in a bed. He'll be out for awhile."

I nodded and pulled myself up. I walked up to Stefan's room and found some clothes that I had kept there. I changed into something more comfortably and walked back into his bedroom. That's when everything from the past few days hit me. I sank to the ground and started to cry. I jumped when I felt arms circle around me and pull me into a warm chest. Damon.

"Just let it out."

"Why are you doing this?"

"What?"

"Being so nice?"

"Simple, you need comfort. Stefan is out for obvious reasons and I heard what Bonnie said to you before she left the party."

Hearing Bonnie's name just made me cry harder. Damon pulled me closer and just held me there until I calmed down. In one quick movement he picked me up and gently set me on Stefan's bed. He turned to leave but before he walked through the door he looked at me.

"Remember our dance Elena."

"What?"

"Things are going to get worse before they get better, you can trust me on that. Remember the dance, remember the feeling, it'll help get you through the darker stuff."

"Damon?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"Giving me something to hold on too."

Damon looked like he wanted to say something but he didn't. he just settled on nodding and walking out of the room. I did what he said, I remember the dance. I remembered the feeling of being completely safe in his arms. Damon was quickly becoming someone I rely on, that thought should have scared me but it didn't. I leaned back and closed my eyes, the last thing I saw before falling asleep, piercing blue eyes.

**Two chapters in one day. My sorry about my lack of updates lately and I really loved the past episode update. Enjoy!**


	29. Friendship

**No spoilers for tonight's ep but duuuuuuude it just keeps getting better. Took the starting line from the season finale preview clip. Next week is going to be intense. **

"_Stefan is worried about our…friendship."_

Please Elena, you lie to everyone else you might as well keep lying to yourself as well. Friendship, such a pathetic word for what Damon and I share. It goes so much deeper than that, I can connect with him in a way that I can't with Stefan. I don't know when, but Damon became the one that can make me laugh, can make jokes with, can give me a few minutes to just forget all of the crap that has been building up. I hated him at a time, blamed him for everything and yes he deserved it but he's also let me see a completely different side of him. A side that I love. It was never my intention to fall for Damon, to be anything in the vicinity of cordial to him but these days, I can't imagine my life without him. I have a bad feeling about the Founder's Day event, things are going to change and bad things are going to happen. I just know it. Damon is the one I that I am looking too, then one that I hope can get us through it. He needs to make it through, needs to be there. I do love Stefan, I do. But even I can't deny that Damon has a part of me, and every day that hold becomes stronger, that part becomes bigger. I keep remembering the night he compelled Jeremy, when I told Stefan that I wish I could forget but I couldn't. I made the right choice that night. I can't ever forget what I feel for Stefan and I have a feeling that I won't ever be able to forget what I feel for Damon. I don't know what the future holds, I don't know if I will live long enough to see it, but I do know that having Damon Salvatore in my life is one of the worst, best, crazy, emotional and stressful things that has ever happened. I don't think I would ever change that.


	30. Kiss

**SPOILERS FOR TONIGHTS EPISODE YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED…**

**So that is what I call a season finale….LOVED IT….even though I am sooooo PISSED that they killed Anna. Can't Jeremy catch a freaking break? This oneshot is really short but when I saw Damon's face after the kiss I wanted to write it. I could be wrong but when I was looking at his face…it's like he knew something was wrong. And hello Ian Somerhalder with your awesome acting…Damon in tears gets me every time. And I think that the AN is longer than the oneshot, sorry about that. I will try to be write more but my mind has hit a major case of writers block. **

Something was off. That kiss, the one that I had been looking forward to and thinking about…it wasn't what I thought it would be. Something wasn't right. It was too familiar and not in a you look exactly like Katherine kind of way. There was no resistance. As much as I would love to think that Elena would willingly give in like that…well I know her, she would have hit me again or something. That kiss, it wasn't right, not what it should have been. That, that was all Katherine which means that a whole new problem just made itself known.


	31. I Never Told You

_Dear Diary, _

_My name is Elena Gilbert and I am an idiot. I just let him walk away. I said nothing; all I did was stand there and watch him disappear into the night. _

I miss those blue eyes  
How you kiss me at night  
I miss the way we sleep  
Like there's no sunrise  
Like the taste of your smile  
I miss the way we breathe

_I was never supposed to fall for the older, darker brother but I did. Something about Damon just drew me in. I think it was when he showed me a different side of himself after my accident. The fun side, the carefree side. I did love Stefan, but I was __**in **__love with Damon. He kissed me once, on my porch as I was getting ready to go inside. No words were spoken, then again we didn't need too, not then anyway. _

But I never told you  
What I should have said  
No I never told you  
I just held it in  
And now I miss everything about you  
Can't believe that I still want you  
After all the things we've been through  
I miss everything about you without you

_It's odd how just one person can get under your skin and never leave. Damon had a way of always being there and even when he wasn't I was thinking about him. It's like he consumed all of my thoughts. I had so many chances to tell him how I felt but I didn't. I guess I was scared, scared that he didn't feel the same way, or scared of who he actually saw when he was looking at me. _

I see your blue eyes  
Every time I close mine  
You make it hard to see  
Where I belong too when I'm not around you  
It's like I'm alone with me

_When Stefan started drinking human blood again it was Damon that held me together believe it or not. He went along with my plans, he cooked for me when I pretty much moved into the boarding house. He helped me with homework, kept me company, made me laugh when I felt like falling apart. He was just there for me. _

But I never told you  
What I should have said  
No I never told you  
I just held it in  
And now I miss everything about you  
Can't believe that I still want you  
After all the things we've been through  
I miss everything about you without you

_When he came to me that night and said that he was leaving, I froze up. He said that I was in love with Stefan, and watching Stefan get the girl a second time around wasn't something he wanted to see again. I should have told him then. I should have said that he was the one I loved and not Stefan. Like I said, I'm an idiot._

What I never told you  
What I should have said  
No I never told you  
I just held it in

_It feels like there is a constant ache where my heart is. I let him leave and I shouldn't have. When I first met Damon I couldn't wait for the day he would leave. But now that he's actually gone, I miss him so much. I would kill to see that smirk and hear one of the suggestive comments that use to irritate me. It's my fault he's gone though, and I guess that there is only one solution…I have to go find him. _

And now I miss everything about you  
Can't believe that I still want you  
After all the things we've been through  
I miss everything about you without you

**Song: I Never Told You**

**Artist: Colby Caillat **

**I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOO beyond sorry for my lack of updating. I work two jobs in the summer and lately when I sit down to the computer nothing happens, I will start with an idea then poof it's gone. It's killing me to not be able to write, it seems like my muse has taken an indefinite vacation but I am trying. Because I have been such a sucky person lately I am updating Darkness twice tonight and I hope you enjoy what I came up with. When I heard this song Delena popped into my head. If any of you vid for youtube or know someone who does I would love to see a Delena to this song if there isn't one out there already. Again, so sorry for the lack of updates. I am trying to start some new stories too, we'll see how it goes. **


	32. Florence

If you ever get the chance to go to Florence, take it. It was actually Stefan who told me where Damon had run off too. He said he only wants to see me happy. That made me feel even worse and I didn't think that was possible. Jenna was the next hurdle, but Jeremy helped me out with that. We used to take vacations every year with our parents and Jeremy said that he wanted it to be just the two of us this time, reconnect. I was in shock, I was certain that Jeremy would never forgive me for what happened. But we're better now, maybe better than we've ever been. It's also nice to have someone to talk too about everything, now that Bonnie is…well now that she's taking over as Stefan's devoted girlfriend. I was a wreck the whole plane ride, Jeremy was starting to get a little annoyed with me but that was something that I didn't see coming, maybe I should have. They are kinda perfect for each other. Now I am walking through the streets of Florence while he's sleeping off jet lag. Stefan told me a few places that Damon usually frequents when he's here. The first two were a bust and now I am walking towards the third, all bars of course. I walked into the third one on Stefan's list and sure enough, I immediately recognize the leather jacket hanging on the back of one of the stools. Damon was sitting at the bar, nursing a drink and speaking with the bartender in fluent Italian. I walked up behind him and took a breath.

"So, I was hoping that someone who had been here before could show me around. I'm sure there's a lot to see."

He stiffened and slowly set the glass he was holding down. When he finally turned and looked at me I didn't know what to feel. There he was, inches from me, and yet again I was speechless.

"What are you doing here?"

"Mystic Falls just wasn't the same anymore. Jer and I decided to take a break."

"Jeremy's here?"

"Back at the hotel."

"With Stefan?"

"No, Stefan is back in Mystic Falls, probably taking Bonnie out to dinner or something."

"Really?"

"I broke up with him Damon, an hour before you left actually. I told him that I was sorry, but I couldn't be with him when I was thinking about someone else. I'm sorry that I didn't say anything Damon I was scared."

"Of me?"

"Of how you felt. God, maybe it was a mistake for me to come here. I'll just go back to the hotel."

I turned on my heel and walked back out of the bar, running again I suppose. Everything is just overwhelming. Seeing him again, all of the feelings that keep rushing forward, it's harder to process than I thought it would be. I jumped when someone grabbed my arm and spun me around. When I caught my breath I glared.

"Are you trying to give me a heart attack Damon?"

"What did you want to tell me that night? The night I left, what were you going to say?"

"I was going to tell you that you're aggravating and snarky and you can never get through a conversation with some sort of sexual innuendo but despite all of that I am in love with you. I fell in love with you and it killed me when you left and I want you to come back and I want to be with you. I flew from Virginia to Florence to tell you this."

"I love you."

"Then kiss me."

Damon came forward and pressed his lips to mine, it was everything that I remembered.

"I'm sorry I didn't say it sooner."

"And miss the chance to have this reunion in one of the most romantic places in the world? It's like I planned it."

"Jesus."

"Just Damon."

"Will you come back with me?"

"You tell anyone I say this and I'll hurt you…I'd go anywhere with you."

**Damon was a little sappy….but come on imagine those blue eyes and that line coming out of his mouth…you'd fall for it too….at least I would. **


	33. Brothers

**Jeremy POV….bet you didn't see that one coming did you?**

Being a brother isn't something that I ever really thought about until recently. And being the younger brother, it's like the pressure is off because you aren't the one that has to take care of everything. This situation however is different. No matter how old you are if you are a brother then you never want to see your sister hurt. Too bad there isn't a guide book for when your sister starts dating a vampire, and not only is she dating a vampire, she's dating like the king of all vampires. Okay so Damon Salvatore isn't actually the king of vampires but he sure as hell acts like it. The thing is, before I knew the guy was a vampire, I liked him. We played video games, talked and hung out. He's actually a pretty cool guy. Then I found out that he is indeed a vampire and also the one that took away all of my memories. Damon's hard to hate though, you want too and feel like you need too but you can't. He seems like a different person when he's with Elena, he smiles which at first scared me a little bit. I liked Stefan and all but Damon is the one she's supposed to be with. It's easy to see that now. They complete each other in way. She shows him the light every once in a while and he gets her to act like the Elena she was before our parents died, before she felt like she needed to take over raising me. It's hard to give the you hurt her I hurt you speech to a vampire though, it's not like I could do anything to Damon. But I'm not worried about it, he'll take care of her or he'll die trying. In the end I guess that is what every brother wants, someone who'll look out for their sister and do whatever it takes to protect them. Damon might be slightly emotionally retarded about most things but when it comes to Elena, he's there 100% Again, it's hard to hate him.

**Sorry it's been so long...But i am leaving for school again tomorrow and i tend to do most of my best thinking while in class so hopefully i will be updating more and getting some new stories out! I did this because i figured Jeremy deserves a chapter too. **


	34. Spiral

**Spoilers for Season Two Episode One just so you know...**

He had seriously fucked up this time. He might be drunk and completely emotionally retarded but he knew how fucked up the situation was. He had known, before he had even thought to ask, what Katherine's response would be. Of course it was Stefan, it was always fucking Stefan! As he poured the first drink he knew that he had to go to Elena's for 'guard duty' and that just made him drink more. When he walked into the house he knew he should just let it go, that what he was going to say was only going to end up with him being hurt but pretending like he wasn't hurt. When Jeremy walked in the final string holding him together snapped. When he heard the sickening snap of Jeremy's neck he knew that in that moment, everything between him and Elena, everything that could have been between him and Elena…gone. Katherine Pierce had come into his life in 1864 and spun everything out of control. She comes back into his life in 2010 and this time…instead of losing his life he loses the one thing that he has cared about since becoming a vampire. Damon Salvatore is in a downward spiral, and even he is scared of what will happen when he finally hits bottom.

**Just the thought of them killing Jeremy terrified me...**


	35. Hate

**Slight spoilers for tonight's episode.**

I hated him, there was nothing more to it, I hate Damon Salvatore. I use to think that there was something redeemable about him, that he could be saved. Then I watched as he snapped my brother's neck right in front of me and everything slipped away. I hate him and everything that he stands for; I can only make so many excuses for him. I hate him; at least that is what I keep telling myself. He tells me that he needs to talk to me my resolve last for a total of one no. There I am again, following Damon Salvatore. When Bonnie sets the fire there goes my resolve again. Here I am telling her to stop, yelling that she's going to kill him. And when I am shaking her and she is asking me why I stopped her, I don't have an answer. I want to tell her it's because she would end up regretting it, because killing Damon wasn't going to change Caroline back, that it wasn't Damon's fault that Caroline is what she is now. But all of those die on the tip of my tongue. I can't tell Bonnie the truth, I can't tell her that I can't picture my world with Damon no longer in it, that I can't imagine never arguing with him, talking with him or being pissed at him again. There are millions of reasons for me to hate him, for me to want him dead, but there is also one reason why I want him around. Somewhere, sometime, and somehow I stopped caring for Damon Salvatore. I stopped caring for him when I fell for him, talk about messed up right?

**So who else loved a shirtless Tyler? I believe that Julie Plec and Kevin Williamson need to find a reason to get Tyler, Damon and Stefan all shirtless in the same scene…not sure how but it would be great. And I also loved the end with Damon and Jeremy, they could have such a great tortured you killed me I want to kill you friendship. Hope you enjoyed the episode like I did!**


	36. Lost

**Just a couple of slight spoilers for tonight's episode. SO IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED STOP HERE. Not my best work I will admit.  
**

"_Yes, you have lost me forever."_

We had both said hurtful things and what's worse, we both said truthful things. I used him today, knowing full well that time with Damon would lead to questions that I wouldn't want to answer. Part of me had hoped that he knew Jeremy was wearing the ring when he snapped his neck. When he said that he didn't, that he got lucky, the last piece that I had inside of me connecting me to Damon, it snapped. Damon Salvatore and I would never be friends again, we would never be anything again.

"_You and Katherine, you're more alike than just in looks."_

She used me today, used me to get the answers that she wanted. It was a very Katherine move, one that I both appreciated and hated. I appreciated it because it was about time she did that. Manipulated, did what she had to do, grew a backbone. I hated it because it was a very Katherine move. She was Elena, she was supposed to be the good one, the one with a heart, the one that gave me another chance. She wants nothing? Fine, two can play that game.

**Anyone elses heart break just a little bit when Elena told Damon that he lost her forever? I mean it can't be true because we were promised some Delena action but still…it sucked. And I am LOVING vampire Caroline. **


	37. Nightmares

**Again slight spoilers for the most recent episode so if you haven't seen it stop reading now!**

**For those that watched….we NEED more Damon and Elena scenes like the ones Stefan saw in his dreams…love Delena. **

**Haven't said this in a while… I DON'T OWN VAMPIRE DIARIES **

**Stefan POV**

It hurt so bad to see it, even though I knew it was just a dream, that it wasn't real, it still hurt. It hurt because she looked so happy with him, and they fit. I hadn't wanted to see it before, hadn't wanted to believe that he could feel anything for her. But when it's played out in front of your like that, even courtesy of a psycho jealous ex, it's hard to ignore, hard to keep ignoring. The way she laughed, smiled and was at ease with him. The way he kissed her, held her, showed her how to play the game she already knew. It was hard to see because it made me realize, that while I am in love with Elena, that while I have Elena, Damon and Elena are inevitable. It was going to happen, whether it happened sooner or later I didn't know. While I never doubt her love for me and mine for her I also couldn't doubt Damon's love for Elena. Manipulation is Katherine's game, she thrives on it actually. She figured showing me Damon and Elena together would break me, shove me into her arm's. What she doesn't know is that I have been preparing myself for this, preparing for the day that Elena and I wouldn't be Elena and I anymore. She may not see it right now but sometime, she'll be with Damon, but I am going to hold on to her for as long as I can.

**I hope I didn't make Stefan come off as weak because that's not what I wanted…and I have to say even though my heart will always be for Damon….I am LOVING season 2 Stefan…hope he sticks around for a while. **


	38. Tears

**Is heart wrenching a good way to describe last night's episode? I believe that it is. Okay, we had hot and naughty Stefan in the beginning, beautiful. Should have known it was too good to last. Crying Stefan, crying Elena, apologetic Damon, pissed and ready for revenge Jeremy, back to being practically motherless Caroline, damn you Williamson! And Mason? Really? Meh. **

I fucked up, again. Stefan told me not to call her, hell a part of me knew that I shouldn't call her. But there was something about the opportunity, maybe just hurt her a little bit. I know that killing Mason wouldn't bother her at all, but losing that damn stone would. I just wanted to hurt her a little bit, make her feel some of the pain that she dishes out so well. Jenna's in the hospital, Elena and Stefan are, well broken. Not broken up, but broken. Jeremy is a loose cannon and Alaric, who the hell knows how he's going to react. It has come down to this, the bitch needs to die, soon. Elena may have ended it with Stefan but it could be too late. Katherine got what she wanted yes, but she always wants more. Tonight did it, it's war. I am not a stupid guy, never have been. This will end bloody, there won't be any happy endings. Either she dies or we all suffer. Katherine didn't bet on one thing though, how pissed Stefan is going to be now. And if there is one thing that could help us, it's that. You don't go after the people I care about and get away with it, doesn't happen. And with Stefan, well I will be surprised if he doesn't end up staking Katherine himself. Elena won't shed another tear over this bitch. It ends now.


	39. Monster

**I Don't Own the Vampire Diaries**

**Delena songfic. Goes between the both of them, starts Elena goes Damon and so on. Song at the bottom of the page. Enjoy. **

**I guess there could be spoilers for the past couple episodes, but nothing to major.**

**

* * *

**_Don't want to turn off the light_

_Hope someone hears me tonight_

_I know there's a snake in my bed_

_Eating its way through my head_

It was all my fault. Bonnie, Caroline, and Tyler. All of them suffering because of who I am, because the Gilbert's were unlucky enough to pick me, to adopt me. It wasn't Stefan coming to town, it wasn't that we fell in love, it wasn't that I was friends with Damon, it was all about me, my blood.

_I want to be normal, I want to feel safe_

_Waking up screaming, it's always the same_

_I don't want to turn off the light_

_Hope someone hears me tonight_

She was going to die, that's what everyone seems to be saying anyway. Well I refuse to let that happen. Elena is not going to die, even if I have to die to ensure that. Being in love makes you do stupid things I have come to realize, and willingly sacrificing yourself is just one of those things. But if I have to die, to give her a normal, happy and safe life, then so be it. I wasn't kidding when I told Rose that I would save Elena.

_Hold me, tell me everything's okay_

_Show me there's a way to beat the monster_

_Save me, make it go away_

Stefan keeps telling me that everything is fine, that Katherine was lying, that there is a way and that Klaus probably isn't even real. Stefan is in denial. I can cling to him from now until the day I die, but that won't make the truth go away. He says he is going to save me and god, there is nothing I want more than to be saved. But not like this, not in this impossible situation where everyone I care about will be killed. This is one nightmare we can't beat.

_I'm trying to wash off the stains,_

_try not to think about the pain_

_I know I've got no place to hide,_

_God knows the times that I tried_

I've killed hundreds over the years, I can't really put a total factual number up though, because they were all a blur. I have never doubted my abilities, my power. I have always known that whatever came after me would die, and they would die painfully for thinking they could beat me. But this? I don't know if we'll walk away from this. I also hate that Rose is right, the pain, and the guilt all of it is always there, just beneath the surface. There is not magic switch, no waking up in the morning not caring anymore. The pain is there, the stains of the past are there and no matter what, they'll always be there. I can either let it consume me, or use it to fuel the fight that we all know is coming.

_I want to be normal, I want to feel safe_

_Waking up screaming, it's always the same._

_I don't want to turn off the light_

_Hope someone hears me tonight._

I was Elena Gilbert, cheerleader, homecoming queen, popular girl with the cute football player boyfriend. I had the cool parents and the awesome little brother, I had it all. Yeah, what a lie that turned out to be. I want to go back to that girl, I want normal back, I want safe back and I sure as hell want the nightmare that is my life to stop.

_Hold me, tell me everything's ok._

_Show me there's a way to beat the monster_

_Save me, make it go away._

If Katherine was telling the truth for once in her pathetic life, we're all seriously screwed. But there has to be someone or at least something that knows how to fight back, knows a weakness or a way out. Someone out there has to have laid eyes on this guy, been close to him at some point. There has to be a way, a way to win.

_Hold me, tell me everything's ok._

_Show me there's a way to beat the monster_

_Save me, make it go away._

There has to be a way. Something has to go right for us for once right? We have to get through this because after everything else that we have all been through this would just be cruel wouldn't it? Or is this my life now? Vampire boyfriend with his vampire brother, a vampire best friend and a witch best friend, a werewolf friend, a brother that has to wear a ring so he won't be killed by a supernatural creature, a vampire hunting teacher. Katherine had said better I die than her, well I say better I die than them.

_Ooooooooh, oooooooooh, ooooooooooh, ooooooooooh._

_I want to be normal, I want to feel safe._

_Waking up screaming, it's always the same._

_I don't want to turn off the light._

_Hope someone hears me tonight._

Life, a never ending circle of death and unhappiness. Believe me, I have been around long enough to know. I wish I could be the old Damon again, the one that came into town, tormented his brother and killed people. But this place, Stefan and mostly Elena, they changed me. I care, I feel and as much as I would like to turn my back on that, I can't. This is my town, my brother and my Elena. And we're going to find a way to survive.

_Hold me, tell me everything's ok._

_Show me there's a way to beat the monster_

_Save me, make it go away._

Running isn't a choice, Katherine has been running for what? 500 years? Always living in fear, never staying in one place to long. I don't want that. I don't want to have to look over my shoulder for the rest of my life. He is going to come for me, I am going to face death yet again and I will not show him fear. We'll find a way, we'll survive. I am going to wake up every morning and go to bed every night with that thought in my head. Because in the end, it's all I have.

_Hold me, tell me everything's to ok._

_Show me there's a way to beat the monster_

_Save me, make it go away._

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**I have been away for too long! It's been super busy up here at school and I can't wait for Thanksgiving break. When I heard this song, Monster by Itchy Daze (Highly recommend a listen), I thought of Vampire Diaries so I figured why not have a Delena songfic? I tried not to write OOC and I hope I didn't. Damon was tough, since there has been so much growth with his character, for the better and incredibly heartbreaking IMO, it was hard to get his tone down. And rewind…spoilers if you haven't watched lately!...the single tear after telling Elena he loved her? So sad.**

**As I was looking back at older chapters I went way off course from what I started this as. Supposed to be un-connected one shots about the two of them that morphed into this crazy multi-chapter thing. Oh well, I'm happy with it. Hope you readers are too!**


	40. Wondering

It was there in the back of my mind, a nagging feeling really. Like I was forgetting something important but I couldn't quite put my finger on what. Every time that I saw Damon it became more persistent, like something was just under the surface. I stopped hating him, I think that a part of me always knew that no matter what, I couldn't stay mad at him. He and Stefan are running around, trying their best to find a way to save me, a way to defeat Klaus and what am I thinking of? Well technically I don't know but I know it's something huge. With everything going on, with all of my friends in danger, with everything that had already happened, I should be scared. I should be worried and upset or crying or something shouldn't I? Instead I am angry about this thing that I can't remember, I am angry because everyone thinks that they can just make choices for me, I am angry because every time I see Damon I feel something that I shouldn't. I'm confused and my head is spinning and at this point I don't know which way is up anymore. Somehow Jeremy became the adult, Damon became someone you could count on and Stefan, I don't even know what's going on in that department to be completely honest. I could say that I miss the simpler times, when I knew nothing about this world and everything in it, but that would be a lie. I can't imagine a day without Stefan…or Damon…in it. I feel that whatever it is I am forgetting has to do with Damon and that bothers me even more. I need to remember, I need to sort all of this out. All I can think of though, it what was so major I am obsessed with remembering?


	41. Feelings

**If you haven't watched or read the most recent recap and you don't want to know what happens to Rose…then don't read. And as usual, I don't own The Vampire Diaries or any of its characters. **

It was funny really, how completely and undeniably pathetic I have become. This love thing, such a bitch. I now understand why I have avoided it for so long. Who wants to feel this way? Humans are idiots and there is no way around it. To willingly go around with these things….feelings, emotions. Disgusting. It clouds judgments, makes your reflexes slower, makes you think before you leap. Things were easier when it was just me, I can tell you that much. Even Rose sees how I feel about Elena. Rose, another misstep in my otherwise fucked up life. Feeling things, they say that emotions are key to a human life, it's how you learn and so on. Personally I don't see what's so great about it. I am in love with Elena, I like having Rose around, I would do anything for Stefan. It was easier when I was on my own, when I hated everything that had to do with Mystic Falls, Katherine, Stefan and that god forsaken tomb. Now we have wolves, newbie vampires and vampire hunting teachers to deal with. And let's throw in brothers trying to be hero's a witch who can't perform a simple spell without a nosebleed. Real crack team we have assembled here right? When Rose got bit by the wolf, I was scared for her, I felt sorrow for her. It came to me all at once, while I don't love her I do care for her and I don't want to lose her either. Then it's like everything snapped together all at once for me, this is what feeling and emotions are for. Not to teach you or make you feel like a total jackass but to give you fuel, to give you something to fight for. Coming after my family, coming after the people I care about, big mistake. Now that I know what it feels like to care, to have these emotions, I can honestly say that I will kill anyone who gets in the way of my family and the people around me.

**Just kind of a drabble type deal that I have been thinking about. To me it seems that Damon would have a lot of this thoughts rolling around in his head, it would be interesting to see him talk about it on the show, even if he would be incredibly uncomfortable and awkward doing so.**


	42. Death

**Still own nothing. **

**Oh Damon…how sad you make me, btw your room totally kicks ass.**

**Don't read if you don't want tonight episode spoiled. **

He had killed again tonight, something he hadn't done in so long. Elena wanted to him feel and to share, well maybe she doesn't want to hear what he has to say. Damon Salvatore let his guard down, he let himself feel and then he had to kill Rose. He held her in his arms and then ran a stake through her heart. As he lying on the road waiting for a car to come by he stared up at the sky. He missed lying like this, back when he was human without a care in the world. He missed being human, truly, honestly and painfully missed it. He can't be the person that Elena wants him to be, hell he can't even be the person he wants to be. It's not possible, not anymore. He was right, when he first came here, it was easier not to feel, not to let anyone in. Scotch and blood, that was all he needed, all he should care about at this point. When he grabbed that girl, bit into her neck, part of the old Damon was back, the one that was easier to be. Rose was gone, dead and buried and there was nothing he could do about that now except let the guilt take over. Jules was coming for him but got Rose instead and he was going to carry that around with him forever. Death is easy, living, living is the hard part.


End file.
